Tuesday, January 08, 2013

Self-Pity Party

Lately I've been feeling down for myself. Yes, self-pity. I can do that very easily, and facebook helps. While I love facebook and think it's a wonderful tool to keep in touch with friends and family. To share news, such as an upcoming pregnancy.

Yup. More than a handful of my friends are currently expecting. And while I'm super excited for them, I'm also so... heartbroken. My own infertility gets to me a lot more than I say it dose. Neil and I don't plan on adopting kids of the human kind (cats all the way), but we have a 2% chance that we will adopt. I say this because that's what we agreed on once when I was crying in a self-pity party for myself one evening. We talked about how our family would or wouldn't have children and finally said that there would be a 2% chance of adoption. So while it's a low number, it has helped. It helps.

When I'm feeling down about my friends having kids and I'm unable to share their joy at all, I can hold on to that 2%. Even as I'm writing this I'm crying. Not sure if it's self-pity or not. I'm also debating if I should even post it. Part of me just wants to put it out there, it's not like anyone reads my blog. But another part of me says don't, it's not proper- that and people don't really need to know this.

So I sit here debating on the future of this post, I found some chocolate ice cream. Oh yeah, the Wii workout from earlier, probably worthless. Oddly enough, this didn't start out as a Whoa-es me, but I needed to get it out, but doing so only made me need chocolate. I needed to get it off my chest either way.
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