Saturday, June 15, 2013


Thanks to I have put all the books I own on there. Mainly to keep track of what books I have so I can read them... and mark the ones I have read. I haven't done ALL my mangas yet tho.

Thank god for the iPad that can scan everything! Downfall? It sounds like the smoke alarm beeping when you scan a book's bar-code. By god I love the iPad! I realized that I have a lot of books I want to read but just keep putting off because I get new ones from the library, so I've decided I'm not going to order any books from the library (unless they are bookclub books) so I can read the ones I have.

I was also thinking of selling some of the books I do have but don't read anymore... They're good quality, but still, I feel like I'm abandoning my books. I'm still just in the thinking stages tho.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Break Down

*sigh* it's rather difficult to explain so bare with me.

I was in bed and I kinda just checked out mentally for a bit. It was like I was 10 years old again and had no idea where I was or who this strange man in bed was with me. Neil took me into the ER right away because I was historical and inconsolable.

Over the period of time my mother and Neil helped me remember some of it, but it was eventually me calming down and letting my mind come back on it's own that did it, within 24 hours I was back.
The doctors put me in the looney bin because they didn't know how long it would last or what caused it or a lot of things. I was suppose to stay there until Wed but I got out early.
It has happened several times before to me, where I needed help medically. I only remembered one incident, but there was two. Plus I have lucid (is that the right word?) moments were I loose hours. I don't remember them but my family and friends do. I need to start keeping record of all those times the best I can (I think I lost a couple of hours today).
They think this episode was caused by a mixture of medicationS and the fact this has happened before. It will happen again, it's just a matter of time.
Plus the stress, I forgot to mention stress.
Medications, stress, history. It was great I had people calling me and talking me threw it and being patient with me and being calm.
There was a lot of stress coming down and I wasn't talking to friends about it or dealing with it properly, nor was the medications helping.
I wasn't feeling like I could talk to Neil about some things nor my family.
Plus I'm super negative about myself and it doesn't help that my family tends to be too. 
They did rediagnose me (is that a real word?) as something else. I'm bipolar AND schizophrenic, but a high functioning form. 
So That's kinda what's been happening with me. I finished Lies Beneath while I was in the looney bin. It's good enough that I want to read the second one, mainly because they left it as a cliff hanger.