Monday, June 07, 2010

Personal Update

Many of you wonder why I've become rather cranky/bitchy since the accident. I was hoping that the 100 crafts in the year 2010 would help keep me busy and my mind off the pain and depression.

Well, the pain has slowly made me more insane everyday. While I enjoy the projects so much, I find myself getting overwhelmed by the pain more and more.

I am subscript vicodin for the pain. It started out once a week, then once every other day, then one a day, then two, then three and now there is what I call the "2 Hour Burnout".  See the pain comes back fully in two hours instead of four-plus. If you know me you will know I am terrified of being an addict to drugs.

The pain is at levels were I get sick to my stomach and/or tears. It's great to finally know it's not all in my head though. That has made me feel tons better and has helped my parents (who are kind enough to open their home to many of their children and grandchildren*) to get off my back in a way. Even the specialists said they were surprised how well I cope with it. Well, not is so many ways but were surprised non-the-less.

I do NEED surgery to help with the leg pain. Torn ligaments, damaged nerve endings, cartilage damage. The chiropractor has helped so much with not only my neck posture (and posture in general) but with my back pain. That's when we found out that the problem is in the hip. I still have back issues, but not NEARLY as bad as when started the chiropractor. Still can't do things that require lifting and vacuuming things or bending.

Neil is proving to everyone else that we love each other and are meant to be. He has been my rock in so many ways. He is the Uncle Blake to my Aunt Maria. I try to do little things for him, like keep his favorite shirt clean, fold his undies a certain way, have food he'll eat available, a good stock of his Mt Dew (he drinks it like everyone else drinks water, coffee/tea, milk, soda, juice, etc,). It's a running joke that he has various things "wrong" with him, such as his blood would be green, sperm not doing the whole sperm thing, and the fact he's actually very healthy, hardly ever gets sick.

So we (Neil and me) are trying to find a surgeon, covered by our insurance, to perform the surgery. We have one that wants to get us in right away but insurance. The surgery is far more then what the settlement is. Don't get me wrong, having the settlement over and done with is such an amazingly big relief for me. I can't call to find surgeons alone because I'm getting to the point where I just have an anxiety attack and can't breath. It's getting to the point where my pain tolerance is being worn down and I'm in pain all the time and I just get so overwhelmed to the point where I can't do anything.

So this blog belongs to an insane knitting tea drinking female in need of help.

*(who lives here: myself and Neil, step-sister, mom and step-dad, half brother and his wife and their three kids)
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