Unpleasant Motivation

I am just not motivated to work on the newsletter formally known as the “chocolatier”. And no, only one other person knows what the name of the new newsletter will be and they won’t tell.

Don’t know what it is, just have no inspiration to do it. So many people making/poking fun at me for all the spelling and grammar errors and lack of “good readings”; truth be told everyone, if you don’t want to read the newsletter, tell me so I don’t waist money on your meany-er-ness. Unkind, lowly, spiteful, cruel, foul, vile, unpleasant, horrible, heartbreaking, awful, embarrassing, horrible, nauseating meanies. One of my best friends encouraged me last night that if I love it then [insert not-so-nice words] everyone else and just do it for myself and only send it to him and maybe other five people I trust. I think I’m going to do that from now on.

As for any articles that people want to write (yeah, my faith in anyone even reading after this part is less then whimsical thinking) I have a few ideas that I would love to see someone other then me write.

The newsletter used to be so fun. I loved sharing it with my friends, but now no one even wants to read it. I doubt that anyone would even want to read my hand written journals when I’m gone. Neil isn’t a writer but he supports me and agrees with what said friend from previous told me.

Yes, yes, I know everyone is busy with their own lives and I don’t have a life other then working and being with the one person that gets me and that I love. My life: waking up, rushing Neil out the door (he goes with me to work), see if he wants to get me a chai from starshmucks, usually gets me one, I work till I can’t feel my let leg and hope that I can push more hours, but most of the time I get lazy and annoyed with having too many people working and it’s too slow for my boss to pay everyone for not so much income… So after work I head to the post office and then home. I lay down for a bit then check my email… of course then I turn the email and instant messengers off to write my novel. I have WAY more motivation to write that then the newsletter. And if you know me, I get irritated with my lack of “professional creativity/writing”.

Oh and for all you people out there that say you want to write something for the newsletter and decide that you don’t know what to write- shove it.

But other then my feels above, I’ve been doing better and better. Ups, downs, forwards, backwards, I just want this whole settlement to be over already, that way I don’t have to worry about money and feel like Neil and I can’t handle it. Though I have to say that it’s not so bad when I think it’s something WE have to deal with, and not just me. It makes me feel like I can tackle anything, granted the majority of the issues will be extremely tough, but if we can do it, WE, then I’m sure we’ll get threw it, with minor injuries and no fatalities.