Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Tears in Tea

I know Zach will never feel the same way about me, but since that night I've been thinking of all the times I now realize I did because I do love him. It's not good for me. I called his phone and got Ashley, I don't know where they stand, but still. He should feel like he can share these things with me. I thought we were close enough to where he could share things with me. I don't think I can be friends with him anymore. It hurts too much to know he is back with this girl who tore his heart out, stomped on it, ground it into the ground, and spit on it. I can never forgive her for that. But to have him keep going back to her, I just can't stand to see that. I might have an option to go back to Alaska, I hope that I pass my technician test so I can become a Pharmacy Technician and then I'll move there and be gone from his complicated ways. When I think about him I get happy, but then I think how he can't think of me that way and it hurts. If he does go back to Ashley I don't think I"ll ever see him again, Ashley doesn't like me and doesn't want me to talk to him. I'm not sure what to do other then just not talk to him ever again. I just wish he would let me know what's going on in his life. I remember times we had that were good when there was no relationship in either of our minds and how it was nice just being with him when he didn't have pyhsco girlfriends that hated me. Thinking back on all those times I realized that I really do love him, but since he could never love me the same way, I didn't even acknowledged those feelings. How sad am I? Plus now that I"m seriously thinking of moving back to K-town, Tracy says that I should tell him because it will help me get closure or something. It wouldn't help, it's best to just let him live his life while I go to mine.
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