Friday, February 20, 2015

Forgetting They're Not Mature

As Sakura-Con comes closer my stress level is getting higher. My response time on emails is soooo bad. I feel terrible! I'm just going nuts! I want to do the best, but at the same time, I want to have fun. I really wish I lived over there, closer!

That was written a few hours before I left to go see my brother, sister-in-law, and nieces and nephew. My husband and I had planned on taking the girls this year to Sakura-Con with us, but with what transpired last night, we will not be doing so.

I went there last night to talk to my brother and sister-in-law about con stuff and what to expect and and other things that needed to be done. Money, cloths, expectations, days we'd be gone. Stuff like that.

Then I moved on to how I'd been getting phone calls about how the girls (mainly the older one) had been dressing less than favorable. Okay, the words were harsh, like slut and whore. They didn't want her to be taken advantaged of and raped or such. I had others who were saying they couldn't even talk to her because they didn't want to be associated with her based on how she was dressed in public. I would tell these people that I was her aunt. No control over how she was dressed. I'm not her mother, I'm not even living in the same house.

And as expected, I was met with less than mature responses. Not nearly as bad as it could have been, but still. I shouldn't have gone over there alone.

What happened next I still feel was my fault. I know they're not mature adults, they have grown up, are of the correct age, have children, have "jobs", have paid taxes, things that we normally would associate with adults, but they are not that. I keep hoping they will be, but they're not.

Somehow the conversation got turned to how the three adults in the room (the oldest was still in the room with us "adults") weren't getting along. And of course, according to them, it's my fault. I was met with my brother turning off NASCAR, standing up, screaming and yelling at me (no telling how many beers he's had) and gesturing with hands. His wife yelled and never made eye contact from the chair. I tried to speak when I was asked why I was so upset, but as usual, and again, don't know why I was expecting an adult conversation, was yelled and screamed at.

So I sat there, crying silently, my niece handing me a box of tissues, I texted a friend to come and get me as soon as I figured out it was going to be nothing but them yelling at me, making it out to be my fault, even tho, and I know this not to be now, it is NOT MY FAULT. They did all this in front of their own child.

My friend was waiting in her car when she heard them yelling and screaming, she came uninvited into the house, saw me trying to leave and helped escorted me from the premises. I have to say, when my brother saw me leaving, he did scream "You're leaving in the middle of this conversation?" and I turned to him, "No, this is not a conversation this is an opportunity that you [gesturing to both of them] had to yell and scream at me." then my friend put her arm around me, slammed the door in my brothers face as he's scream "I'm trying to tell you your worth" or was it "I"m just telling you your worth".

We got a block away, she pulled over and I wept. That's not accurate. I was sobbing, shacking, histarical, and I couldn't even speak. For ten minutes.

My friend took me back to her place, where we all hung out and talked and it made me feel better, Neil came up and got me. He was so livid that I swear he was gripping the steering wheel too tightly. From there, I took a hot shower (already 2 vicoden in, migraine), got into bed, cried  a bit in the shower so I feel asleep fast. I woke up not wanting to wake.

I want to go over and tell the kids that I love them, that I want to be part of their lives, to watch them do and grow, but their parents aren't good for my health, that I can't stand my own brother, and my "cunt-in-law" as we called her last night.

I love those kids so much.

But.

But their parents.
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