I have been struggling the past couple of weeks. Things with my sister-in-law, Lisa, are not going anywhere. I did do something very childish and I will apologize for that, but I'm going to stand my ground. I will not be bullied about *that* subject anymore.
You know, I wouldn't be even thinking about *not* having kids so much if she would just drop it. It's at this point that she's saying it to be mean. She's in her late 30s, time to grow up.
--- --- ---
Yesterday Shay (my wife ;) ) came over and we cooked some things on the grill and ate and watched a movie and a comedian with Neil and Paul. Over all very nice. I love when she comes over, but I"ve been hurting lately, so I can't see her as much. I hope everyone had a great day and enjoyed their activities!
--- --- ---
Family reunion at my mom's place is coming up in a little over a month. I'm both excited and worried about it. I don't know what my role is, there's been so much talk of me babysitting, without me knowing I was volunteered for it. I said, firmly but politely, NO. Doesn't stop mom tho. She's just going and going on this. She hurt her foot too! She dropped a rock on it by accident. She's so silly and clumsy. It's going to be interesting too, to see where things go from here.
--- --- ---
Sakura-con... yah, I'm supposed to have written an after-con report... I start it then I go blank, I know things happened, but for the life of me I cannot do it. This is why I should write things down every con day after it happens. *sigh* what am I going to do??? I have like 10 different versions of it, but I know I"m missing something!
--- --- ---
Anyways, have a great day!
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Internet Junkyard #28
A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.
'Don't forget your sisters,' she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. 'They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them.'
'Remember that 'sisters' means ALL the women... your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives too. 'You'll need other women. Women always do.'
What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought. Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'
But she listened to her mother. She kept contact with her sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her mother really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, sisters are the mainstays of her life.
After more than 50 years of living in this world, here is what I've learned:
THIS SAYS IT ALL:
Time passes. Life happens. Distance separates. Children grow up. Jobs come and go. Love waxes and wanes. Men don't do what they're supposed to do. Hearts break. Parents die. Colleagues forget favors. Careers end. BUT.........
Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach.
When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you....Or come in and carry you out.
Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family: all bless our life!
The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other.
'Don't forget your sisters,' she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. 'They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them.'
'Remember that 'sisters' means ALL the women... your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives too. 'You'll need other women. Women always do.'
What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought. Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'
But she listened to her mother. She kept contact with her sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her mother really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, sisters are the mainstays of her life.
After more than 50 years of living in this world, here is what I've learned:
THIS SAYS IT ALL:
Time passes. Life happens. Distance separates. Children grow up. Jobs come and go. Love waxes and wanes. Men don't do what they're supposed to do. Hearts break. Parents die. Colleagues forget favors. Careers end. BUT.........
Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach.
When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you....Or come in and carry you out.
Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family: all bless our life!
The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other.
Wednesday, May 07, 2014
Not Sure
Not sure where things are going. It's been a toss up the past month or so.First it was this chest cold (which I still have), then Sakura-Con DURING the chest cold, not to mention the 2 teens I had with me this year. That went well, however, when I came back, that's when things took a turn for the worse.
You all know I"m a rather negative person, I try not to be, but I am. I especially don't want to be to the kids, my nieces and nephews especially. I was told I have failed. I'm not sure if it's 100% true or not, seeings how Lisa and I are not getting along as of late. Like the past month late. She told me, in the "sweetest" way possible that my life had no meaning unless I gave birth to children. I got offended because it was different this time. She's said stuff like that before, but it was always something I could brush off, this time was hurtful. I asked her "Geez Lisa, tell me what you really think about me." and she went on to say that I (and Neil) basically were wasted space, lives meaningless, no point to our exhistance, if we didn't give birth to children.
Needless to say I am still not happy with her, I don't know what our friendship will look like in the future, but right now, since she feels she's not in the wrong, it doesn't look good. Granted I've been rather negative towards her ever since, and she chewed me out for that, and I told her she was right, I have been negative towards her since she said what she said, but she still thinks she did nothing wrong. She said many hurtful things, including that the kids hate me, fear me, and I had JUST given gifts. I try so hard NOT to be negative with them, because that's how my father was with me, and I keep thinking "not them, never them". That being said, Neil and I have decided not to take the children to Sakura-con again, nor this camping trip I've been planning since forever. Mom is calling me "self pity" and saying not to get emotional about this, Dave is saying he "loves" me. Funny how that changes when you say you wont do something for their children.
Sam's health is wishy-washy at best. He has his good times and bad times. We're going to see a specialist soon. My health has been that as well. So, I'm not sure what will be in store for us anytime soon. Health, family, money, drama up the ying-yang. Just, *sigh* not sure.
You all know I"m a rather negative person, I try not to be, but I am. I especially don't want to be to the kids, my nieces and nephews especially. I was told I have failed. I'm not sure if it's 100% true or not, seeings how Lisa and I are not getting along as of late. Like the past month late. She told me, in the "sweetest" way possible that my life had no meaning unless I gave birth to children. I got offended because it was different this time. She's said stuff like that before, but it was always something I could brush off, this time was hurtful. I asked her "Geez Lisa, tell me what you really think about me." and she went on to say that I (and Neil) basically were wasted space, lives meaningless, no point to our exhistance, if we didn't give birth to children.
Needless to say I am still not happy with her, I don't know what our friendship will look like in the future, but right now, since she feels she's not in the wrong, it doesn't look good. Granted I've been rather negative towards her ever since, and she chewed me out for that, and I told her she was right, I have been negative towards her since she said what she said, but she still thinks she did nothing wrong. She said many hurtful things, including that the kids hate me, fear me, and I had JUST given gifts. I try so hard NOT to be negative with them, because that's how my father was with me, and I keep thinking "not them, never them". That being said, Neil and I have decided not to take the children to Sakura-con again, nor this camping trip I've been planning since forever. Mom is calling me "self pity" and saying not to get emotional about this, Dave is saying he "loves" me. Funny how that changes when you say you wont do something for their children.
Sam's health is wishy-washy at best. He has his good times and bad times. We're going to see a specialist soon. My health has been that as well. So, I'm not sure what will be in store for us anytime soon. Health, family, money, drama up the ying-yang. Just, *sigh* not sure.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Pics
Some of my pictures on this blog are no longer there, no idea what happened. Sorry everyone. :(
Babies
It's that time of year again! Babies are being brought into this world! So many of my friends are having babies, in like hoards. They all had this meeting 9 months ago and said that their goal was to populate March with some of the CUTEST babies ever!
So, of course, I'm getting low, tho I did talk to my lady doctor and he said he'd be willing to tie the tubes! And if I can't have kids why tie the tubes? Well, I *can* get pregnant, my uterus just won't expand with the fetus, so why risk it anyways? Plus all these health issues have me not wanting to pass anything along. Oddly enough, I'm not that sad about it anymore. I think having all these nieces and nephews and god children really make me feel part of a family. It's not that I don't get sad about it, I'm just less sad about it.
--- --- ---
After my biological father passed, I've been trying to find ways to connect with my siblings and that side of the family, but I'm having a hard time. I don't think I've talked to them since we left that day. Over a week ago. I feel like a bad person, but at the same time, what do I say? Plus how am I to connect with them now that my only connection is gone?
Any advice welcome.
So, of course, I'm getting low, tho I did talk to my lady doctor and he said he'd be willing to tie the tubes! And if I can't have kids why tie the tubes? Well, I *can* get pregnant, my uterus just won't expand with the fetus, so why risk it anyways? Plus all these health issues have me not wanting to pass anything along. Oddly enough, I'm not that sad about it anymore. I think having all these nieces and nephews and god children really make me feel part of a family. It's not that I don't get sad about it, I'm just less sad about it.
--- --- ---
After my biological father passed, I've been trying to find ways to connect with my siblings and that side of the family, but I'm having a hard time. I don't think I've talked to them since we left that day. Over a week ago. I feel like a bad person, but at the same time, what do I say? Plus how am I to connect with them now that my only connection is gone?
Any advice welcome.
Friday, March 14, 2014
Internet Junkyard #26
There's a name for this disorder.
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first..
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Pepsi aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The Pepsi is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need water.
I put the Pepsi on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day: the car isn't washed the bills aren't paid there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter the flowers don't have enough water, there is still only 1 check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day, and I'm really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail....
Do me a favor. Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember who the hell I've sent it to.
Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!
What are friends for!!!
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first..
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Pepsi aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The Pepsi is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need water.
I put the Pepsi on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day: the car isn't washed the bills aren't paid there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter the flowers don't have enough water, there is still only 1 check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day, and I'm really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail....
Do me a favor. Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember who the hell I've sent it to.
Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!
What are friends for!!!
Monday, March 03, 2014
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Saturday, March 01, 2014
Daddy
First off, I want to say, my dad was an amazing person.
Secondly, we didn't have a good couple of years.
My father passed away last night. My biological father.
Still processing, still crying.
I'm not even sure what to do. We haven't spoken in over a year.
Come to find out how was rather sad, I didn't know his health was so bad.
Secondly, we didn't have a good couple of years.
My father passed away last night. My biological father.
Still processing, still crying.
I'm not even sure what to do. We haven't spoken in over a year.
Come to find out how was rather sad, I didn't know his health was so bad.
Friday, February 21, 2014
Internet Junkyard #25
Shampoo alert!
As I was
conditioning my hair in the shower this morning, I took time to read my
shampoo bottle. I am in shock! The shampoo I use in the shower
that runs down my entire body says "for extra volume and body"!
Seriously, why have I not noticed this before? Now I understand why
I am so "full-figured"!
Tomorrow I am
going to start using "Dawn" dish soap. It says right on the label
"dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."
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