Not Sure

Not sure where things are going. It's been a toss up the past month or so.First it was this chest cold (which I still have), then Sakura-Con DURING the chest cold, not to mention the 2 teens I had with me this year. That went well, however, when I came back, that's when things took a turn for the worse.
You all know I"m a rather negative person, I try not to be, but I am. I especially don't want to be to the kids, my nieces and nephews especially. I was told I have failed. I'm not sure if it's 100% true or not, seeings how Lisa and I are not getting along as of late. Like the past month late. She told me, in the "sweetest" way possible that my life had no meaning unless I gave birth to children. I got offended because it was different this time. She's said stuff like that before, but it was always something I could brush off, this time was hurtful. I asked her "Geez Lisa, tell me what you really think about me." and she went on to say that I (and Neil) basically were wasted space, lives meaningless, no point to our exhistance, if we didn't give birth to children.

Needless to say I am still not happy with her, I don't know what our friendship will look like in the future, but right now, since she feels she's not in the wrong, it doesn't look good. Granted I've been rather negative towards her ever since, and she chewed me out for that, and I told her she was right, I have been negative towards her since she said what she said, but she still thinks she did nothing wrong. She said many hurtful things, including that the kids hate me, fear me, and I had JUST given gifts. I try so hard NOT to be negative with them, because that's how my father was with me, and I keep thinking "not them, never them". That being said, Neil and I have decided not to take the children to Sakura-con again, nor this camping trip I've been planning since forever. Mom is calling me "self pity" and saying not to get emotional about this, Dave is saying he "loves" me. Funny how that changes when you say you wont do something for their children.

Sam's health is wishy-washy at best. He has his good times and bad times. We're going to see a specialist soon. My health has been that as well. So, I'm not sure what will be in store for us anytime soon. Health, family, money, drama up the ying-yang. Just, *sigh* not sure.