Pissed Off

I am very pissed off, about two main things: 1. being my inability to stay awake while reading the great Sir Author Conan Doyle. I didn't get more than 30 pages into my Sherlock novel and I fell asleep... AGAIN! This has been happening over the past few months. I'm such a looser!

Second thing is my sister-in-law. She's being a cunt, yes, I said it, and made us argue a bit IN FRONT OF HER KIDS! I told her I didn't want to do this in front of them, but she forced me to say some unkind things before I mustered up some restraint and left. She has done nothing to make me think she wants this resolved. The kids don't hate me, she lied about that. She thinks she can tell me I'm less of a person because I can't have kids, and adoption or c-section doesn't count as being a parent. She told me mine and Neil's lives were worthless if we couldn't have kids, and even more, said why do I feel like being a part of her kids' lives since they are not my own. It is no secret I kinda live the dream of motherhood threw them, as the role of aunt, but I never think myself their parent, they already have them. Or people saying they are, but turn out to be cunts. She had the balls to start off our last encounter with "we're family" and some other shit, and I said "oh really? Why don't you act like it?". Probably not good in front of the kids. I don't ever expect her to see what she's done, and I certainly don't expect an apology. I would LOVE one, but I know that will never happen.

Lisa has disappointed me and has lost my respect. If you have known me for any amount of time, once my respect is lost, it's near impossible to get it back. Once lost, is lost forever kinda thing.

Oh yah, and I"m pissed that I've gained MORE weight. I'm to the point where I don't want to take my meds anymore. Tired of being trapped in this useless body.