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I have been let go from my job due to my injury...

Pills Suck

I have decided that because of this quest to find out what's up with my back... it's getting so depressing that I have to explain it and write it out for others to understand why I get so upset about it:

In the morning:
-Lamictal 100mg (a mood stabiliser) take one and one half tablet
-Calcium [500mg] & Magnesium [250mg](to help with migraines) just one tablet
-Alli 60mg (weight loss aid) just one capsule
-Sertraline 100mg (antidepressants) 2 pills
-Omeprazole 20mg (helps the stomach acid) one capsule
-Gabapentin 300mg (to help with pain in the back) one capsule

Mid-day:
-Gabapentin 300mg (to help with pain in the back) one capsule

In the evening:
-Lamictal 100mg (a mood stabiliser) take one and one half tablet
-Tri-Sprintec (aka birth control) take one tablet
-Verapamil SR 180 (migraine prevention) one tablet
-Zolpidem 10mg (sleeping aid) one tablet when needed
-Magnesium 250mg (to help with migraines) just one tablet
-Woman's multi-vitamin (for overall healthy-ness) just one tablet
-Gabapentin 300mg (to help with pain in the back) one capsule

When needed:
-Hydrocod 5/apap500 (very powerful narcotic used for extreme pain, mostly for my migraines)
-Quinine leg cramps (need only when there are leg cramps that are unbearable.)
-Naproxen 500mg (help with pain in back/leg) 1-3 tablets daily
-Gabapentin 300mg (help with back/leg pain) 3 tablets daily
-Metoclopramide 10mg (use for onset of headache/migraine) 1/2 to one tablet
-Axert 12.5mg (use for onset of migraine/headache) 1 tablet 2 max daily


So I'm taking at least 14 pills a day... that is very depressing if you ask me. Why so many you may ask, I'll tell you why, because I'm somehow a defected human. If I lived in Germany when the whole Hitler thing was going on (their darkest part of history, I feel bad that they have to live with that for the rest of the country's life) I would be put in the gas chambers. I think mostly because I'm dark haired and dark eyed, plus I would stand-up for the Jewish people the best I could, AAAANNNDDD all my health issues.

This is a rather depressing post, I know, but if you were facing financial issues like mine, you would get depressed as well. I am so tired of hurting and so tired of feeling helpless and useless. I'm sure someone who reads this can relate. Neil is doing so well in helping me feel better. I talked to my boss today and I'm worried I may not have a job to go back to anymore. I felt like a family there, but now I'm faced with loosing the job I love and the people that I care about. That place is so unique and wonderful that you can't help but care about it deeply.

Several things that are helping get threw this: Neil, Samuri, knitting, tea, and my family and friends. Neil for loving me, Samuri for being my baby, knitting to get my mind off things and feel like I'm actually accomplishing something, and tea for relaxing me.

Sorry dear readers for the 'no picture' post and being all depressed like. I need to vent to more then just the people around me (to get it out) and to let you readers know how my life is going.

Again, sorry or no pictures.

Sony is awesome!

While the quality isn't that great, I still love this camera, it's easy to operate (somewhat....) and it's hardy (I'm not afraid it will brake so easily if it were to slip from my hands). Enjoy!



Here is a "eh" type picture of my new computer. Shelby passed away, her mother-board thingy couldn't be fixed; Neil decided to purchase a nice computer for me... details are in color!

This is what I"m hoping to be my next knitting project, skipping the socks again, they scare me. The blue/turquoise yarn is what I think I'll try to use to make the purse for a co-worker. I hope it works out okay.

This is a box I painted and coated with fabric or a gift (for N). They are Sakura Blossoms. I made stencils (out of basic sturdy paper) and just used shades of pink (plus white paint ever-so-often).

This is the bottom of it, the inside bottom is also covered in this fabric. It's my first time using fabric glue/tacky stuff to secure it, I don't like it, but it works. The pen marks are REALLY highlighted and soak/bleed when the glue/tacky stuff is used.

Don't forget the sides! You can't tell too well, but up in the right corner is part of a blossom, it's on the top and other side, so it looks rather neat. I think it looks cool anyways.

In conclusion I enjoyed this project a lot. Not only because it was painting (I enjoy painting things) but because it had to o with the Con in a way. That's why I made it, as a S-con present for N.

frozen concentrated apple juice

Note to everyone: eating frozen concentrated apple juice will more then likely make you stick to your tummy.

My dell is here. I'm not feeling well (back) again. Annoyed with money issues. can't wait for the first of May so I can get the doctors appointment out of the way and figure out what's wrong.

[blah blah blah]

A World Gone Mad

Well readers, I have to tell you one of the worst news ever- Shelby passed away. In case you don't know, or don't know me, Shelby is-er was my laptop. So I'll be using my honey's computer until my DELL comes in... Dude, I'm gettin' a Dell!

Oh yes, I have a few more projects I'm doing, I'll be posting them when I get my Dell, only because I can't keep them on his computer because I'd feel bad.

Me & World Wide Web...

The below blog was actually written and meant to be posted the other day, but our internet was down. When Neil got it fixed I didn’t get it into my head when he said he got it up and running because I thought we didn’t have it for another day… I’m so stupid.


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So let me get this straight, we have about 370 more days till the next Sakura Con?! That’s WAY way way way too long.

Everyone says the con goes by fast but I don’t really see it. I’ve never been one to enjoy the festivities, but rather want to be a part of making it. To me, that’s the fun. So the con was short, but defiantly not long. There was a little drama, but I think that it just went over my head a bit… I don’t know, I really didn’t pay attention to the gossip and dramas this year.

I want to do more for this next con. I really really really really want to do more this next year. There are a few possibilities open to me at the moment and I want to help out so badly so I want to know NOW!!! So impatient I am.

It’s true. I did a lot of shopping… sad to say, I spent more then I planned but not more then I can afford. I brought 250$ cash with me, and used 70$ off my beautiful credit card.
I say beautiful because it is… ASPCA is working with Visa credit cards to make this awesome deal. There is very low interest, AFTER A YEAR! And the interest doesn’t pile up like one might think it would. I’ve read the fine print; I know you’re thinking “nuh-uh”. But it’s true!!!! I have a nice limit (realistic for myself as well), and there is no minimum payment (thought I make at least 50$ if not more payments every month).

Anyways, back to what I purchased- mostly mangas… and the rest pretty much on art, food, and stickers (Sakura-Con stickers). Though I did get a plushie from one of my all time favorite artists (her manga ROCKS!!! And her art!!! I lo-ike her so much!!!). Our friend N got me the most adorable plushie- DOMO!!! Domo-kun is just sooo cute. I love it so much.

Thank goodness for my wonderful co-worker for taking care of our fuzzy babies while we were gone. But Blackie still made messes (mom’s used tissues being shredded by the black dog called Blackie). Thank you L for making the con possible.

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Awww… Leatherheads (movie coming out) has the most sexy George Clooney in it, I want to see the movie only because he’s in it… isn’t that rather sad? I don’t like Renee Zellwigger as an actress so part of me is hesitant.

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So other then that… I have nothing… just a strong desire for nice chocolate moose/or/cake to have during my [romance] manga reading time. And it’s not the “adult/XXX” kind.

Sammy Knits!!!

My Sammy loves my knitting!!!

At first, the hat was odd... I forgot the middle part. See, the directions say to do the brim of the hat, then it goes on to talk about the decrees to the top of the hat... but the directions said nothing but a couple words about the rest of the hat. Between the brim and the top of it.

In case you can't really tell, I did my own little tip of the hat... I attempted to do my own little leaf tip pattern. Yeah, it didn't look too good, but it helped me to find another better one on the Internet!!!

...buuuuuuuut Sammy liked it. He would grab at it when I took it off him or pulled it away.

So there is an actual hat I did. Since the leaf is my "signature" I attempted to interpret a leaf pattern of my own into it... it was sad... very very very sad. When I was finished, I attempted to take the green threads and make it look more like a leaf, but it ended up looking like a square/circle with a line threw it. I tore it out.

But the top of it turned out super cute!!!

This hat is made for a girl at work's kid. He is sooo cute and I wanted to knit a hat finally... I hope that she lets him wear it; we don't get along too well so that hat may or may not have been a good idea.

update on me~ I think my emotional blah-ness has passed. I feel tons better now, with the not so irritated and wanting to deal with anyone (Neil is the exception).

One of my best girlfriends called me yesterday. It was so great to hear her voice and to listen to her laugh. I hadn't realized how much I missed it. I miss her greatly.

It really pissed me off though- she had to call me back, so I had my cell phone in my hands, waiting, and all of a sudden it started beeping. It said I had a voicemail... okay, so I listened to it... it was my said girl friend! She had tried to call me back, but my phone didn't ring!!! I am so upset with my [insert not so nice names here] cell phone it's not even funny. This is not the first time this has happened. I think I need to get a newer phone because 1. my phone has taken a beating just by being mine, and 2. it's "old" in technology terms.

oh yeah- if anyone knows if there is a pattern for a Harry Potter scarf (knit)... I know there is one... it's just finding one!!!

lazy

I have come to realize that while people suck, there are not-so-sucky moments with them that kinda make it worth putting up with them. Even though this example isn’t a person that sucks, but someone that I feel that I’ve grown apart from. Not that I want to by any means. She called, wanting to get together with me, so I can meet her other half. Granted I don’t want to do anything lately. Being lazy/female. But I know I must, it’s not that I don’t want to, but I’m lazy and hurting, plus being over stressed from work.

Another example is one of my other girl friends is over for spring brake (her home) and even though I want to see her, it’s again with the laziness. Though I would love to see a movie with her. Maybe I don’t want to hang out with these two girl friends is because I have nothing of interest to talk about. I work or stay at home stretching (though I have to admit I’m not walking on the treadmill as often as I should/like), do nothing of interest, am fat (not appealing to look upon), can’t party, can’t drink, can’t walk around too much, no spending money, plus the laziness.

Why is it I’m so lazy? No idea. Probably has something to do with working so much. Everyone seems to be sick lately and I’m surprisingly not… very odd if you know me. It’s got to be because of working so much, must be.

The settlement is going along, finally, but nothing in stone yet. Why won’t it just be over?

Well I probably have more to say, but I’ll skedaddle anyways.

Unpleasant Motivation

I am just not motivated to work on the newsletter formally known as the “chocolatier”. And no, only one other person knows what the name of the new newsletter will be and they won’t tell.

Don’t know what it is, just have no inspiration to do it. So many people making/poking fun at me for all the spelling and grammar errors and lack of “good readings”; truth be told everyone, if you don’t want to read the newsletter, tell me so I don’t waist money on your meany-er-ness. Unkind, lowly, spiteful, cruel, foul, vile, unpleasant, horrible, heartbreaking, awful, embarrassing, horrible, nauseating meanies. One of my best friends encouraged me last night that if I love it then [insert not-so-nice words] everyone else and just do it for myself and only send it to him and maybe other five people I trust. I think I’m going to do that from now on.

As for any articles that people want to write (yeah, my faith in anyone even reading after this part is less then whimsical thinking) I have a few ideas that I would love to see someone other then me write.

The newsletter used to be so fun. I loved sharing it with my friends, but now no one even wants to read it. I doubt that anyone would even want to read my hand written journals when I’m gone. Neil isn’t a writer but he supports me and agrees with what said friend from previous told me.

Yes, yes, I know everyone is busy with their own lives and I don’t have a life other then working and being with the one person that gets me and that I love. My life: waking up, rushing Neil out the door (he goes with me to work), see if he wants to get me a chai from starshmucks, usually gets me one, I work till I can’t feel my let leg and hope that I can push more hours, but most of the time I get lazy and annoyed with having too many people working and it’s too slow for my boss to pay everyone for not so much income… So after work I head to the post office and then home. I lay down for a bit then check my email… of course then I turn the email and instant messengers off to write my novel. I have WAY more motivation to write that then the newsletter. And if you know me, I get irritated with my lack of “professional creativity/writing”.

Oh and for all you people out there that say you want to write something for the newsletter and decide that you don’t know what to write- shove it.

But other then my feels above, I’ve been doing better and better. Ups, downs, forwards, backwards, I just want this whole settlement to be over already, that way I don’t have to worry about money and feel like Neil and I can’t handle it. Though I have to say that it’s not so bad when I think it’s something WE have to deal with, and not just me. It makes me feel like I can tackle anything, granted the majority of the issues will be extremely tough, but if we can do it, WE, then I’m sure we’ll get threw it, with minor injuries and no fatalities.