Want/Need in a Husband:

1. a man who will still love me and accept me when I have episodes (missed meds/my bipolar disorder)
2. my equal in intelligences, not smarter or dumber, equal (my learning disabilities and my lack of intelligence)
3. a man who will attempt (and/or succeed) in being slightly romantic ever so often (I want to be shown that he IS in love with me, not just with me, low self-esteem. I probably wouldn’t believe any guy that said he loved me more then a friend without long and hard efforts to show it on his part. I pity any guy that has to go threw this)
4. a man that wont hesitate to take control when someone needs too
5. accepts that my cat is my baby, even if he doesn’t think of Sammy like that
6. who will let me be supportive of him and what he does and what he needs

All I can get is six!

Back to the fall quarter...

Just when you think that the whole thing can't get any more complicated, it does.

What in the world is she talking about you may ask, and I'll tell you in a second.

First off everyone knows that I have had this crush on one of my good guy friends for YEARS. Well, in recent days he has done something that has made me question what he could feel about me.

What could she mean? That's your thought.

I mean, that while one of my other guy friends, who is pretty damn near perfect when it comes to men being great for girls, was talking about how he feels about himself as a committed person, I kept thinking to myself about my other guy friend and how much I wanted to see him.
Don't get me wrong, I really like it when my friends, especially this one, opens up to me. I just wanted to see this other guy friend. I have for a long time. This relationship that we have would be so much easier if I could see him face to face.

Anyways. While my guy friend is talking about his curent situation, my mind keeps wondering back to the one that I like. Does this make me a bad friend?

Going back to the title of this post: Today was the first day abck at the college. Wow, can you say wow? It was a bit nerve-racking driving to it, but once I was there it was like, no sweat. I can so do this. But, as alwasy, something else occupied my mind.

You guessed it.

I can't stop wishing I could just be with my guy friend that I like. Not just be with him like most people mean, but I mean just to stand near him for a minute would make me happy. I want to talk with him, stand face to face and just talk about everything and nothing at all. I want to get ot know him better and to understand him. Not just becuase I may love him, but becuase I want him to know who I am too and see if he can be happy with someone like me; not just like me, but me.

I have no idea what I'm going to do, spend the time and money to go see him, or just wait? Why is it that no one comments me on what they think?